The Life Long Field Trip Called Parenthood

Kids LOVE field trips. Why? Because you get to leave the four walls of the classroom, you're completely off schedule for a day, there's less structure, and teachers don't have as much control. Teachers HATE field trips. Why? The exact same reasons - you leave the four walls of the classroom, you're completely off schedule for a day, there's less structure, and the teachers don't have as much control. While a field trip is not any more physically challenging than a regular school day, the teacher comes home exhausted. Why? The day was much more of an emotional and mental challenge - keeping track of kids, watching the clock, keeping track of kids, passing out lunches, meds, and tickets, keeping track of kids, answering chaperone questions, keeping track of kids, trying to enjoy the day, and keeping track of kids, looking for restrooms, keeping track of kids, problem solving when those fun surprises pop up, and keeping track of kids. Oh, did I mention keeping track of kids? I have found motherhood to be much like a lifelong, 24-hour field trip. I was prepared for the physical challenges of being a mom. I knew I would lose personal time. I knew my sleep would be cut in half. I knew I would have to learn to scarf down every meal I eat in half the time. I knew I would be spending countless hours feeding, burping, rocking, soothing, washing, and cleaning. I have kept many babies over the years and thought I was prepared as I could be for the changes and sacrifices a baby brings. I was not, however, prepared for the emotional and mental challenges. Since the day Aiden was born, my mind has not stopped going 200 miles an hour planning and worrying. When did he last eat? Has he had his vitamin drops? Was that a congested cough? Is he getting sick? Is it bath night? Do I have enough time to cook dinner? Is that a tired cry or a hungry cry? Will he forget me when I leave him for 8 hours a day to go to work? Will he have gained enough weight at the next check up? Am I holding him too much? Is he cold? Did I pack enough diapers and an extra outfit? How much longer will he let me snuggle him? I never anticipated how in love with him I would be before I ever saw his face. I never anticipated how much my heart would hurt to hear him cry in a pain I can't make better, but would take from him if I could. I never anticipated the hurt and immense guilt I would feel to go back to work and have to leave him at day care each day - and that comes from someone who LOVES her job and knows that is exactly why God put me on this earth. I can easily say that these past three or four months have been some of the hardest of my life.

I felt confident going back to work. I can't say I was ready and would have loved more time with sweet Aiden, but I felt we were in as good of a place as we could be. What was I thinking? But if I am being honest, it was not just returning to work that really shook the Tanner house, although it was most of it. Let's take the last week of August for example: Aiden had an ingrown toe nail, Open Hoouse at school, mommy got the stomach bug, sister, Lauren, was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, surprise midnight trips to the E.R. for dad, and then mom and dad stopped by later in the week to tell us dad's doctor found cancer and he would be having surgery in October. There have been many mental and emotional hurdles like these: Aiden's cold, sinus infections, coaching during football season, trying to be the best teacher I can be while cutting my prep time in half, and several other things I won't go into. And every time I feel like we have overcome the obstacle, something else comes up and our world is rocked again - Aiden's weight is low and the doctor wants to change his feeding schedule, a week-long cold, or daylight savings time. I would say it is only in the past two weeks that I feel like I am getting control of things - teaching, cooking, feeding, cleaning, etc. And then as I type, Aiden is on antibiotics for a double ear infection and I am in the middle of a bout with pink eye. Then who knows what this week holds...

The greatest challenge has been the new allergy I have developed - Aiden. Yep, that's right. I'm allergic to my child. About two weeks after Aiden was born I started having trouble with my lips. They swell up, turn bright pink, and burn. It looks like I found the perfect shade of pink the 80s had to offer and then had a three year-old put it on me in the dark. After a few days of this, the swelling subsides, but then my lips peel and continue to peel until the next flare up. It makes it incredibly painful to eat, drink, and talk. I have to keep a thick layer of Vasaline on my lips, which just seems to draw motre attention to the problem than help. Since I am still feeding the doctor tells me there is no medicine she can give me because it will affect my milk. "Hopefully you will eventually develop an immunity to it" was her response. The doctor believes my lips are allergic to the oils in Aiden's skin, so she suggested not kissing him, to which I laughed and told her I would just have to look like Bobo the Clown forever. However, Matt and I have found that I have fewer flare ups the more we bathe him. While I am getting used to this being the way things are, it still has been a struggle in itself. It has been hard to see some of my kids at school make fun of it during my flare ups. Middle schoolers will be middle schoolers, but I am a girl and it is still hard to see or hear someone make fun of you about something you are so self-conscious about, no matter how young and/or immature they are. It has also been hard because Aiden and I have very few pictures together because I have not wanted my picture taken like this. However, here is one from last week after our family photo shoot...

All in all, I think we are getting back on track. Aiden is falling into a new routine of feedings and naps, and predictability is what I have missed most! I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of my little niece, Haleigh. Sharing pregnancy with my sister has been fun and something I am so grateful was in God's plan for us. In a strange way I feel like I have gotten to be pregnant longer from sharing it with her. (Well, minus the heartburn, throwing up, and frequent trips to the restroom) Most of my pregnancy symptoms have disappeared. My carpal tunnel finally disappeared a few weeks after we started school and I was able to write and hold things in both hands without any pain. The coloration spots on both my cheeks have cleared up. The heartburn and reflux are gone. What do I miss? I miss taking Aiden with me everywhere I go. I loved knowing he was with me everywhere - teaching at school, singing in the car, everywhere! I miss feeling him kick. Although it was uncomfortable, it was never painful, and I miss feeling his movements and hiccups. And then finally, I miss maternity clothes! I am still waiting for someone to explain to me why ALL pants aren't made with an elastic waistband...

Well, onto the fun stuff! Let me tell you about my little man named Aiden!

God has blessed us with such a sweet, flexible, amazing little boy. Last Friday when we returned home from our family pictures I noticed Aiden's head was very warm when I took him out of the car seat. I told Johanna, the photographer, that morning he just wasn't himself because he would not smile. I took his temperature - 103.1! We immediately started infant Tylenol and by Sunday morning the fever still had not subsided. Matt and I decided it was time to take him in to see a doctor. We shared with the doctor the things that also puzzled us - he was sleeping on schedule, eating normally, and not been fussy AT ALL. He just had a fever we couldn't shake. The doctor took one look in his ears and said he was shocked at what he saw - an ear infection! He said he had never seen a baby so happy with such a terrible ear infection. He did caution us that having a baby with such a high pain tolerance was a blessing (since we had not been listening to a screaming baby for hours on end), but we had to be very watchful because if he went too long, his eardrum could burst. What a trooper!

Aiden laughs all the time and has recently started a loud laugh, which melts my heart!

He loves Blue's Clues - he will not watch anything else on the tv (with the exception of a little football with daddy). He only watches one Blue's Clues a day, but it is very helpful when mommy needs to cook dinner!  His favorite toy is a small, square black and white striped blanket Lauren got for him.

The blanket crinkles when you move it and he LOVES it! (It was a life saver at the photo shoot! Johanna was able to use it to make noise so Aiden would look when we were all in the picture) Aiden has just started rice cereal and applesauce in the past few weeks and is gaining weight! (At his four month check up he was in the 99th percentile for head size and only the 3rd percentile for his weight. We call him the lollipop) Aiden hates to be cold and loves bathtime because we pull in the space heater. He doesn't mind car rides as long as someone is in the back to sit with him. He somehow always knows when mommy is sitting down to eat and I tend to eat most of my meals with him sitting in my lap. Aiden has learned how to use his hands and is becoming better each day at putting his pacifier back in his mouth, grabbing the toys, and reaching for mommy's cup while mommy is holding him. Aiden has also started "talking" over the past few weeks. It is mostly just loud jibberish and shouts, but it is SO funny to listen to!

Currently we are working on sitting up, which has been a challenge because he has also learned where his feet are. When he sees those feet, it is all over and he melts to the floor like the Wicked Witch of the West. Here are a few shots of the little guy sitting up with the help of his boppie...

He is such a sweet little boy and I am quick each day to thank God for entrusting me with this little sweetheart!

Aiden has also had a lot of "firsts" since the last blog post. Many I did not catch on camera, but here are a few I did...

Aiden's first trip to Ttown for an Alabama game...

Aiden's first lovie...

Aiden's first Halloween in his skeleton costume...

This is his weekly picture for the week of Halloween...

Aiden's first trick-or-treating with his buddies in the neighborhood, Grafton and Ethan...

Aiden's first "tummy time"...

All in all, parenthood has been an adventure! As much as I can try and plan and schedule, I have learned that most of the time things

don't

go

as planned.

 In just five and a half short months there are already so many things I regret and feel like a failure for. First that comes to mind is his baby book, which I am sad to say I have not kept updated. The second is finishing his room by now. Just two of the things that have become pushed aside as life got in the way. Before this turns into a pity party, there are a few things I am proud of. First comes to mind is the feeding. Aiden's bottle still comes from me, which includes taking care of "mommy responsibilities" at work. NO EASY TASK! There are many times I have wanted to stop because it is VERY time consuming and really really interferes with the day on so many levels, but I have stuck with it ONLY for the reason that I know it is what is best for Aiden. I have also been very diligent about taking Aiden's photograph EVERY week (mostly on Saturdays since I have gone back to work). I try to use things to measure Aiden's growth by - his green chair, his rocker, etc and making sure he is in a different outfit each week. Here are a few of the most recent...

There is still a lot I have to learn and a lot I probably need to thank and apologize to my own mom for. Right now, it is just a day at a time. But looking at this face each day makes it all worth it, don't you think?