Then You Might Be A Mommy

As Aiden approaches SEVEN months, I started to write another "Lessons Learned" post, like the one from August.  However, to make this one a bit different, it will be worded like Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might Be A Redneck If..."  So here it is, what nearly seven months as a new mommy has taught me...

YOU MIGHT BE A NEW MOMMY IF...

* You have reinstated the 3 second rule in the household.

* You have considered eating baby food in the pantry because there's nothing else to eat in the house.

* You've gotten busted at work for singing the theme song to "Wonder Pets" without realizing it.

* You've actually had a full conversation wondering why Dora always screams everything she says. 

* You've caught yourself whistling or humming "We Just Got A Letter" from Blue's Clues while bringing in the mail.

* You seem to be better at rocking yourself to sleep than the kid.

*  Your reflexes are suddenly better than a cat's - especially at catching spit up. 

* You almost type as fast one-handed as you do with two hands. 

* You spend more time picking your child's nose than your own.

* The baby has more places to sit and play in the house than you do.

* Your feet almost completely function as a third arm.

* You find yourself whispering in rooms where the baby isn't asleep.

* Even though the two turtle doves have a new partridge in the pear tree, you feel more like the maid a-milkin'.

* You have more pictures posted on facebook of your child than you.

* When up late or in the middle of night, you turn on Nick Jr because it's the best option on tv.

*  When on the go you're more likely to have a nasal aspirator, diaper cream, or small toy handy than a pen to sign the receipt with.

* You now run the washing machine more than the dishwasher.

* You consider it completely normal to have a discussion over lunch with girlfriends about your child's bowel movements (sorry Whit).

* In the mall you are now better at locating the elevators, family restrooms, and toy stores than your own clothing stores.

* While you used to consider clothes "dirty" because you had worn them for more than 3 hours, now your clothes only make it to the dirty clothes hamper when they have spit up on them.

* Your DVR has more kids' shows on it than your own tv shows.

* You find yourself talking TO your spouse THROUGH your child.  ("Aiden, tell mommy she needs to do laundry tonight.")

* You can't remember the last time you ate a meal without having a kid in your lap.

* You can't seem to lose the "baby weight" because you're too busy eating all the words you said before the baby came.

* Batteries are now a regular item on the shopping list.

* There is a sense of accomplishment if you are actually able to start AND finish an entire conversation with a friend.

* The child's nursery is the cleanest room in the house, with every other room looking like a tornado just came through. 

* You could sleep through a freight train plowing through your living room, but are wide awake at the sound of a child spitting up.

* You consider 8:00 am to be "sleeping in."

* Going to the bathroom is the only time you're alone - if you're lucky.