ThankFULL

I am now in my 15th week, and while I can't say things are great, they are better! Pregnancy has certainly been a roller coaster! Along with the extreme morning sickness (I have seen the inside of a bathroom more than the inside of our new house), there have been a whirlwind of other pregnancy signs. The last few weeks have brought the worst acne of my life (my blunt, pre-teen 12 year-olds are asking ME what all the red bumps on my face are), extreme exhaustion (I feel like a toddler from all the naps I take), sudden bouts of nausea that require me to eat immediately (I carry around a small convenience store in my purse), excessive burping (my husband is now calling ME gross), 2 a.m. trips to the restroom (I am convinced my body thinks it is preparing me for 2 a.m. feedings), and several other symptoms that would just be too much information.

With all that said (sometimes it is good just to get it out!), these things have not been my focus, just challenges to overcome. A few weeks ago I was able to get up early and felt good enough to go to Frist Priority (thank you Zofran!). In reflecting to prepare the devo that week, I did a lesson with the kids on being thankful in honor of Thanksgiving. Our target verse for the week was:

"Rejoice always, pray continually, and give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

After a VERY emotional week, I thought what better for a blog post than a list of the top 10 things I am thankful for?

1. a patient and understanding Heavenly Father who has given me so many unexpected blessings in my life
2. a quirky, patient, fun husband who began embracing his new father-to-be responsibilities with a smile several weeks ago - from holding back my hair to getting our new home ready for a family of three
3. a new little baby bump that has popped out in the last week for me to rub and poke at and talk to that shows the healthy little one snuggled up inside
4. a mom who has cooked for us every day and helped me in so many other ways at a time I needed the help the most
5. a dad who has "played it cool" about becoming a granddad, but deep down I know he is so excited because he has put his new "James Bond" car outside in the cold and frost at night so his preggo daughter can have his warm spot in the garage
6. an excited sister who, I am convinced, has already bought more stuff for the baby than I have
7. an amazing support system of women at work who have helped me get through the last few weeks in every way imaginable
8. a great group of excited kids at school who ask me EVERY day OVER and OVER if it's a boy or a girl, when it's due, (yes, they forget their homework too), if I am feeling ok, and what we are going to name it
9. one of my sweet little girls who gives me a hug at least once a day, although she has no idea how much I look foward to it (6th graders don't dish out many voluntary hugs to their teachers) and every time she does it makes me excited for May and the chance to hug our little one
10. amazing friends that I don't get to spend as much time with as I would like to, but are always there for me to celebrate new adventures

A Tiny Tanner!

Well, it is official! In May we will become a family of three! This post is long overdue, since Wednesday will begin my 14th week. Matt and I found out we were pregnant at 5 weeks, much to our surprise. I actually took the pregnancy test with little expectations, brought on from the months of negative results before. In fact, I took the test and left it for some time before even remembering to come back to check it. When I did, Matt was confronted with a teary, speechless wife and couldn't understand why!

Matt and I decided to wait to tell anyone until our scheduled ultrasound in the 7th week. (Well, other than the few teachers at school who figured it out!) With this being the first grandbaby on both sides, we wanted to be VERY sure of all the details and hear the heartbeat before getting the grandmothers too excited. So at 7 1/2 weeks we were off to the doctor for the first time and got to see...

So I admit that it looks a little more like a worm than anything, but the heartbeat was music to our ears! It is also not a very good picture, but that is a long story involving unclear directions, a clueless first-time mommy, and an incompetent ultrasound receptionist. We were able to share the good news with the soon-to-be grandparents (who were more than elated) and even the soon-to-be GREAT grandmothers!

Matt and I initially agreed that we would wait until the safe 14 week marker to share the news with anyone else, especially my kids at school. However, things don't always go as planned. The week before this ultrasound morning sickness kicked in. The week after this ultrasound, things took a turn for the worst. At this point, Matt and I had just moved in with Mom and Dad, which is a true testament to God's timing. Morning sickness was in full swing, holding true to its name. I was sick often, especially at 7:00 a.m. Eating became a daunting task, despite many possible remedies - small meals, snacking, hot foods, cold foods, setting an alarm to eat in the middle of the night, crackers, bland foods - everything. In a time where each day was a struggle of nausea and exhaustion, my sweet mom was there to cook and help me out, especially while my poor husband was trying to manage the move to a new home (and the temporary home).

Another saving grace in the toughest weeks was my friend Jana. Being sick at promptly 7 a.m. didn't allow me to get out the door until around 7:45 and some days 8:00, making me late for work for several weeks. Jana and I were able to come up with a system where I could leave the work for my kids at school to get started and Jana gave up part of her prep period everyday for weeks to get my kids started in the morning. For a while I was able to get away with various excuses to my 11 year-olds: traffic, car trouble, a meeting, sick, etc. As I have told Matt often on our cheer sleepovers, it's when the kids are quiet that you have to start to worry. After a few weeks, the kids stopped asking why I was late and even asking me if I was feeling ok when I came in. I should have known then that they knew. The kids who can't figure out what to do if they forget to get a fork when they go through the lunch line had put the pieces together to figure out their teacher was expecting.

So at around 11 weeks and a series of a long, bad night that led into a bad morning that sent me home from work barely able to walk, my doctor finally switched me to a new, stronger medication. Since then, there has been a complete turn-around! While I have still lost close to 10 pounds since the ultrasound visit, I have been able to eat better and keep the meal down. I am sure the weight will come back (and much faster than I expect), especially since the little guy decided to pop out last weekend!

My favorite part of being pregnant has been telling family and friends. Telling our parents was certainly fun. Then there was nothing like sitting around a table at Yogurt Mountain with some of my favorite girl friends explaining the layout of our new house - the bedrooms upstairs, including the one that will be the nursery in May - and seeing their faces and the shocked, "nursery?" "May?"

Then there was the day I got to tell my kids at school. Matt and I painted letters the night before that would be hidden in the library. In pairs, the kids had to find a letter, bring it back to the table, and unscramble the message. In the end, here is what they came up with...

Then there was telling the cheerleaders. After school Jana and I met with our 8th grade girls and Jana did such a great job telling them after their "disappointing practice yesterday" and how their behavior "didn't show the positive role models they could be," they would be completing a brief team-building exercise before going home that afternoon. The girls solemnly began unscrambling the letters, which had been dumped out on a table. The mood completely changed when Amanda was the first to unscramble a word and shout out "BABY!" and Savannah unscrambled "Tanner!"

My high school girls have been the most excited about the possibilities of a baby, asking every time I see them "WHEN?" and leading me to make something up. In scheming with my favorite high school senior cheerleader, Shea and I decided to tell the cheerleaders the same way I was telling my kids. Alison, a pledge sister from college, is the new college counselor at the high school and helped us in getting one letter to each cheerleader through the day. At practice, Shea instructed the girls in putting the letters together and solving the message. Here was the pic and text message I got shortly after 3:00... (note the use of "Furlong" rather than "Tanner" since most of the girls had me as a teacher/coach before I was married)

Overall, pregnancy has been quite an emotional, exciting, unexpected journey with more twists and turns sure to come. At latest, we will find out if it is a boy or a girl the week after New Years. If things go well, maybe we will be able to find out a bit sooner than that!

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

There comes a point when a haircut is necessary. Sometimes beyond necessary. I had a woman stop me about 2 weeks ago in a restaraunt and ask me, "Is that your real hair or do you have extensions?" That is a clear sign that a haircut is necessary. Long hair can be a pain - a long time to wash, to dry, to brush, to fix. When a haircut would be the easy way out, I have to remind myself what I am doing it for.

Last week Lauren and I went for our haircuts. It was time to cut off our hair that would be donated to an organization called Locks of Love, which uses the hair to create wigs for children who have lost their hair due to a medical condition. This haircut was my fourth (maybe fifth?) donation. I am weirdly attached to my hair. When it is curly I am happy, no matter how bad the day. I can't imagine being without my hair, much less losing it at such a young age. I am too big of a wimp to donate blood, so when I heard about this organization years ago, I knew this was a project I could get on board with.

Any time I cut my hair I am reminded of my first (or was it my second?) time to donate. I went to Hunstville to visit my grandmother. We thought it would be fun to donate my hair while there and then surprise my family when I returned to Bham with my new haircut. We went to the salon and the hairdresser took her time measuring the hair, putting it in a ponytail, and beginning to cut. As she cut off the ponytail, she began to cry. As she began to even out the remaining hair, she continued to cry. Not out loud, just calm, silent tears. My grandmother an I could only look at each other and wonder what was going on. My grandmother finally asked, "Are you ok?" The hairdresser explained that her daughter lost her hair to a medical condition and received wigs from Locks For Love. She told us she would be thrilled if her daughter received my hair one day. That was it - I was hooked. I knew that this was one way that I could help others by sacrificing a part of myself.

Ok...the part you have been waiting for - the pics. The gold star for bravery goes to Lauren, who didn't have the 10 inches to keep her hair long enough to stay at her shoulders. She definitely made a sacrifice with this donation!

me before

me after (with my donation)

Lauren before

Lauren after (with her donation)

Sisters with new haircuts!

Party Like It's 1999

The year I graduated things were different. We wore flared leg jeans, iPods didn't exist, Britney Spears was a rising star, Michael Jackson was the King of Pop, I could only dream of the day I would have a cell phone, Saved by the Bell was as cool as it got, and there was only one high school - Hoover High. Things are different now. Skinny jeans are in, all of my 11 year-olds have a cell phone that plays music, makes calls, texts, and checks facebook, and rap music tops the charts. Ten years ago things were different.

For the most part high school was the worst 4 years of my life. Caught in the midst of teenage angst, I was perceived as a hellion and rebel by my parents, while everyone at school saw me differently - almost a goody-goody. I couldn't understand why my parents thought I was such a heathen while everyone at school couldn't understand why I was such a rule-follower. The division made for some of the toughest years of my life. Early curfews, strict rules, and long punishments were a common part of life for me. Sure, there were high points. I would go back and be on the dance team all over again - band camp, pep rallies, dance camp, football games, morning workouts, and all. I didn't know it then, but there was a passion in my heart for dance that I didn't know existed. I think it was dance team that saved my life and got me through those 4 years. Naturally, when I heard about the ten year reunion, I was not jumping at the chance to go back and relive some of the memories.

As the time got closer and I began to give it more thought and had to decide if I was going to spend the obscene amount of money to stand around and visit with many people I had not talked to in 10 years, a thought hit me. My happiest times in high school were AT school. I looked forward to going to school and hated to come home and I started to wonder why. It wasn't my teachers; sadly I can only name about 5 through my high school career. It wasn't lunch; I remember the food, but not where I sat or who I sat with. It wasn't my classes; while I am sure I learned a lot, I don't remember sitting in a single class. I realized it was my friends. It was the group of girls that I depended on throughout those 4 years to get me through. While they couldn't understand me or what was going on at home, they just loved me unconditionally. They understood when I had to leave at 9:45 to make (or usually miss) my 10:00 curfew all the way through graduation, didn't give me a hard time when I didn't drink, listened to my fuss when I needed someone to talk to, and basically put up with me. I have been fortunate enough to have one of the girls - my solid rock and best friend - with me in Birmingham all these years, but after finding out ALL the other girls were flying/driving in from Florida, Texas, Wisconsin, and Mississippi, going to the reunion was an indisputable must.

I said it all week and it became true. I told Matt I was not glad I was going, but I would be glad I went. I can't say I enjoyed the dress shopping or getting ready, but the weekend turned out to be one of the best ones in months - despite that my feet have not hurt so badly since the day of my wedding.

The best part of the weekend (for me) was lunch. Getting all the girls at the same lunch table chatting, gossiping, giggling, and remembering made me feel like Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City. There was a moment where I sat back as the girls talked and had to remind myself that it really had been 10 years since the last time we were all together at the same table and my heart started to ache when I realized it would probably be another 10 before it happened again. The reunion was a great time as well, but I knew it could not top lunch. It really was great to catch up and see so many people that I had not talked with in years. I was amused at how tough reunions must have been before facebook. I already had a pretty good idea of which classmates already had kids, where they were living, and their career from status updates and posts on facebook. I even won an award for "least surprising career path." I must admit that I smiled as I looked at the certificate on the way home, since one of the few things I have never doubted in my life is that I was meant to be a teacher. I found it fascinating that others must have seen that in me 10 years ago. I spent time catching up with good friends, former prom dates, elementary school friends, and of course - the girls. We had a great time dancing and reminiscing and joking about the fact that I didn't have a curfew!

Here are a few shots from the night. I was disappointed when I got home and saw there were only about ten pictures on the camera.

Me and Christin

Me and JR

Jackie and me

Jenn and me

The girls (missing Meredith)

Me and Sarah Beth

Me and Whitney

Whitney, me, and Audrey

Me and Derek, a childhood friend and senior prom date :)

Furlong Family Florida Vacation

It was that time again - family vacation time! These trips are always unique in their own way, and this one was no different. For the first time ever there was a 3-way tie for Dad's Dessert Dinner Quiz - Lauren, Hunter, and me. (A huge disappointment for me considering I actually studied this year!) Last year was the first vacation of an official family of 6, but this year Dad's "third daughter," Whitney, and her husband, JJ, were able to join us for a a day or two. We also had one very UNinvited guest - the oil.

We were fortunate. We arrived late Friday night and had beautiful weather until Wednesday. Once the oil arrived, so did all the other inconveniences that come with it - helicopter fly-bys every half hour, fencing closing the beach, tractors filtering the sand, workers to clean the sand, and many other things. I think pictures can sometimes explain things better than words...

Trying to keep the beach clean

The tractor brought in to filter the oil from the sand (seen in the back)

The view down the beach - notice the black fence brought in to close the water from the public

The view from the umbrella - the black silt fence and the coast guard helicopter

Again, we had beautiful weather, great food, and of course a lot of fun. The oil didn't stay for too long. We couldn't help but think about how bad it could get or what would happen if more oil washed up or the worst - what will happen if they can't stop it? We talked about how long it would stay and how the beach would change and I couldn't help but wonder if my own kids will one day be able to play on the white sandy beaches and build sand animals the way I was able to as a kid. On the last day, Lauren and I were fortunate enough to spend about an hour on the beach. Here is what we had to leave behind and the image I will remember of the beach...

Birthday Bash

My NB portfolio was due on Wednesday, March 31 by midnight. After going to bed on Sunday night (the 28th) I made a promise that I would not go to bed again until The Box (with my portfolio in it) was complete, packed, and shipped. While I am pleased to share that I kept that agreement, I am sad to say that I did not mail The Box until a little after 1:00 a.m. on the early morning of March 31. Yes, that means teaching all day on Tuesday with NO sleep the night before. By that point I was running on pure adrenaline and excitement. In fact, it was several hours before I could settle down enough to sleep after returning from FedEx/Kinkos at 2:00 a.m. With SAT testing going on, a day off was not possible (or I would have taken it earlier!) and made the week drag by. It didn't matter. Months and months of work were over. Now all there was to worry about was the test in June...

I quickly turned my attention to Matt's 30th birthday, which was creeping up on April 30. After going back and forth between a party with friends and a trip away, I decided we could both use some time away. I quickly set off making plans...and finding a partner in crime. A coworker and friend, Jana, was also eager for a quick trip to the beach. Since our husbands have become such good friends, our weekend getaway would be filled with laughs and fun. I quickly set to the plans. First, a weekend. With an upcoming, unused inclement weather day, I had April 23 off - the weekend before Matt's birthday, which would make it the perfect unsuspecting weekend to slip away. I contacted a coworker of Matt's, Keana, to get Matt the day off work from his boss. Next, a place to stay. I got in touch with Matt's Aunt Sandi to stay at their place in Panama City. Finally, birthday dinner. I made reservations at Matt's favorite in the world (which happens to be in PC), Captain Anderson's for his big birthday dinner. The suprise was set - all I had to worry about was keeping my mouth shut...

The big week came and we were set to leave on Thursday. I got a call on Monday night from my father-in-law telling me Aunt Sandi had called with urgent news. While at the beach house over the weekend, Uncle Tommy had a mild stroke. He was in the hospital and too weak to be moved back home to Mobile. This meant Sandi and other family members who would come visit would need the beach house for the upcoming weekend. I quickly set to work to find another place and my sister came through on Tuesday afternoon. Her in-laws have a condo in Gulf Shores and there were no reservations for the upcoming weekend. It meant no birthday dinner at Capt Anderson's, but it did mean a beach trip.

I emailed Keana at Matt's office on Thursday to make sure Matt still had Friday off and asked her to get Matt out of the office a little early - he needed to pack a bag so we could get on the road. She emailed back to say that she and another older woman at work, Dorothy, emailed the staff to say the office was being fumigated and everyone needed to be out promptly at 5:00. She later emailed to let me know everyone shot out at 5:00, except for Dorothy and Matt. Dorothy had to wait on her husband to come pick her up each day and Matt refused to leave her alone at the downtown office. After 15 mintues she finally told Matt her husband was picking her up at the grocery store up the street. She had to leave and walk up the street just so Matt would get in the car and go home!

When Matt got home I was waiting. I asked him if he would help me empty the trunk of my car, where I had secretly stored the beach chairs and umbrella I picked up from my parents. He agreed and after opening the trunk he said, "You planning a trip to the beach?" I immediately told him, "Yes, and you're going too. You have about 20 minutes to pack a bag." He ended up with only about 10 minutes to pack a bag - it took me at least 10 minutes to convince him I wasn't kidding and we really were going to the beach! Jana and Will were there shortly and we were off!

The only thing I forgot to do was wish for good weather. Friday was breezy, cloudy, and chilly - not the day I was hoping for. However, Matt managed to burn from the several hours on the beach during the very overcast afternoon. After a calming nap on the beach wrapped up in my towel, we showered for a dinner of seafood. It was then that the weather took a turn for the worse. Saturday was filled with thunder, lightening, wind, rain, and very high winds. The waves were so high there were patrols on the beach forcing people out of the water during the breaks between storms. On a half-hearted dare, Will decided to test the waves and go in while Jana and I cheered him on from the balcony. It was only moments before he too was called out of the water by a lifeguard. However, a bad day at the beach is better than any day anywhere else. We spent the morning playing cards, the afternoon shopping at the outlet mall, and the evening playing a comeback round of Hand and Foot, hoping the girls could redeem themselves from the loss the night before.

Sunday we woke to a beautiful day and our departure time quickly changed from "after lunch" to "late afternoon." We were quickly out to the beach for the perfect, sunny, breezy beach day. While the storms left the large, overpowering waves behind, it did not stop us from enjoying the day!

The view from the condo on Sunday morning

Red flag = fun on the beach, but not in the water

The birthday boy

(note his chair under the umbrella)

The view from the chair

(note the bird on the left, who decided to hang out with our group for quite some time and continued to make the most annoying sound I have ever heard)

The trip ended that afternoon when we packed up to head back home. Jana and I were proud of ourselves, surprised that after about 6 hours in the sun we were leaving barely pink. However, after stopping for dinner in Montgomery, we got out to find ourselves a bright shade of red. (First thing Monday morning, sweet Yaseen was the first one in the classroom door - as always. He quickly made it over to my desk where he signed "Tanner, your face red." I signed back "I know." Before leaving he signed "My face brown, but yours shiny RED." All I could sign back was "thanks.")

The trip was a success - a surprise getaway that allowed us a little rest, fun, and relaxation!

Reflections

Although I am about sick of hearing this word, reading this word, writing this word, and thinking about this word, I figured I could use it to procrastinate just a bit more. I am looking at the cold, gloomy, overcast day outside the window from the seat of our dining room table for the third day in a row now. However, I am happy to say that this is the first day I feel like I have seen light - but the one at the end of the tunnel.

The process of National Boards has been much more than I thought it would be, and I will say I was expecting the worst from the experience I heard from others. I was prepared for the work, giving up my spring break, and the times required to write, but I was not prepared for all the other stuff. I can honestly say that I have not spent a weekend away from this computer and this room since Christmas vacation - and it is clear I have not been blogging at that time on the computer! However, with months and months of work, the deadline is now just two weeks away. I am only a few pages away from having the papers written, but I not too naive to think that there is still much more work ahead - revising, editing, printing, sorting, packing, etc. I can easily say it has been a challenge - physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I have thought about this process and the work involved since the day in July when they called to tell me I was accepted to the program. This process has affected every part of my life, in good ways and bad.

This process has truly tested my marriage. Bless my wonderful husband for my mood swings, my tears, my frustration, my complete neglect of cleaning the house and cooking in at least two months, and his patience to understand that I have to lock myself up each weekend to work. I remember calling Matt after my first NB class, telling him that the supervisor said if you were getting married, pregnant, moving, getting a divorce, thinking about any of these things, have a child under the age of 5, or don't have time for a part-time job, then you needed to get up and leave right then. I laughed at the time, but looking back now I know she was right. Along with my immense stubbornness and mentality that I can do anything I put my mind to, there has been the added pressure that I am doing this all on someone else's dime - making failure NOT an option.

This process has truly been a toll on every aspect of my life, including those outside my marriage. I am sad to say it has affected my relationship with Christ, impeding on my concentration in church and with my First Priority group at school. I am sorry to say that we have skipped church several times since the first of the year so I can have an extra 3 hours to write, since when I am at church I can't concentrate, make notes, and tap my foot until Matt tells me to stop. This process has almost taken everything out of me emotionally. I haven't really seen or spent time with my friends since early December, devoting every minute of the weekend to writing and preparing and reflecting. With my weekends devoted to NBs, that means I have had to spend extra hours at school each day. I can't even remember I day I left the school with the sun still out. Many nights the janitor comes to find me when he gets off at 7 to make me go home, refusing to let me be the only person in the building. The added stress and pressure and work have been indescribable. As silly as it sounds, I can't yet think of the day that I will get to take this big box full of 8 month's worth of work to the post office and mail it away without tears appearing. And then even worse - what if the results come back and I didn't pass.....

Along with my amazing husband, the only other thing that has gotten me through this is my support system at school. My coworkers, my teaching partner, and most of all my precious kids. I have to have 2 videos that are 15 minutes in length and must be UNedited and UNinterrupted. Well, the first video took 4 times to shoot, and I still ended up having to use a clip that had an interruption. My kids fussed at all the people that walked in (ignoring my signS on the door) and ruined my video - even the counselor and vice principal! Seeing the faces of all my sweet little ones when I tell them "I'm sending this in" and watching them do their best and check their spelling and grammar and then run to ask me "Will this get you a good grade?" It took me a few moments to compose myself before the last video shooting - one that I had ONE shot at (since along with being stubborn I am also a procrastinator). Before starting the video I was reminding my kids of the video rules - talking quietly in their group so the mic doesn't pick up everyone's noise, no getting up, no sharpening pencils, etc. One of my little girls stood up (in her chair) and said "Come on, guys! Let's do this really good for Mrs. Tanner so she gets an A!" which was followed by a round of applause. My kids have been amazing through this whole time and I know God had a plan when he put each of these kids in my class this year.

Well, I think that is enough reflection time for one day. More updates to come in the weeks ahead - hopefully one the day IT goes in the mail. I just hope ALL the work that went into it can fit in the box.....